I am learning a very hard lesson today.

I wear busyness as a badge. “Look how busy and full my schedule is.  I must be good at what I do?!”

I constantly over-promise and under-deliver. I offer to do something for and then I cancel at the last minute, because I am overwhelmed at the thought of feeding, dressing and getting my 1-yr old to sleep while I try to see someone in need, see someone I feel guilty, because I had to cancel  seeing them yesterday or just do something I have been putting off doing at home.

Today I said yes to: a GP appointment straight after, a football session for my son, going to meet a mom in need, then I had to look after my friend’s son for a few hours, clean house and host our church leadership meeting at my home. Now many women could do this easily. But to get between all those appointments, I will be stressed to the max, stressing out my son and also neglecting my 1-year old’s basic need to sleep, because he can’t fall asleep in the car. I even planned on leaving him in his pj’s and then dressing him when we got to football. And it is raining outside.

I mean it is madness when I look at it now. And it is all driven by guilt, guilt, guilt and pride, pride, pride

I SHOULD be able to do it. I SHOULD be perfect. X can do it? Y can do it? Why can’t I?